It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Come share oat with me in your robe
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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