Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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