Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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