I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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