Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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