I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
