Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
