Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
