This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
