don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
