I looked at my own cervix.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
