last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
