We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
