She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
