Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
