and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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