Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
