If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
