that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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