I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
