I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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