This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
