I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
