no, he came in my armpit
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
