the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
