I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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