apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
