i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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