last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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