it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
