This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
