I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
