dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
