it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
