when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize