Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
