his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
