I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
