He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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