Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
