I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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