he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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