Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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