see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
