It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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