Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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