not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
