This house was built for laser tag.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
