I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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