in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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