Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
