My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
