do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there was a trapeze. enough said
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
