I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
