So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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