Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
