Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
