im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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