you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
