I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
