R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
